Sex Positions & Techniques For Controlling Premature Ejaculation
As I’ve said to many men on many occasions, familiarity with lovemaking is something that is acquired over time. That’s especially true of specialized sex positions like the coital alignment technique – click here to read more about it. This is a position which is especially useful in controlling premature ejaculation.
Coital Alignment Technique Video
CAT video – You can find a great introduction to the coital alignment technique here – it should answer all your questions
CAT video (Shorter)
There’s more on the CAT here.
Why Does PE Occur?
The premature ejaculator, however, seems never to get over the novelty of sex, finding the sight of a naked woman in bed and about to be intimate with him, far too exciting to control himself, no matter how experienced he may be.
This is an interesting situation, because you would expect familiarity to lower the arousal response in the man’s mind so that he became more able to control himself. This lack of adaptation must be because of some underlying emotional complex.
My own guess is that this tends to be around anger or fear towards women at a certain fundamental level of the personality that prevents absolute confidence in relaxation and sexual environment with a woman. Or, alternatively, the arousal associated with anger of fear raises a man’s sexual arousal to a point which is challenging to control.
So how can you “get over” this, assuming that I’m correct?
For men in this situation, one of the ways you can overcome an emotional problem with women is that you need to become more familiar with the sexual stimulus and concept of sexual intercourse, so that the very prospect of making love doesn’t excite you too much. This should lower your overall level of arousal so that the additional arousal you experience due to fear or anger doesn’t make you ejaculate too soon.
To explain this more clearly – the body and the mind can’t distinguish between arousal which results from anger and fear, both of which are a form of emotional arousal, and the kind of arousal which results from being a sexual situation.
So all of these things will go together — your arousal at being naked with a woman, your excitement at the prospect of making love, the fact that you’re anxious at some level about the woman or sex with a woman or coming too soon or something else, or your anger towards women. This is often manifested by men who use sex as an aggressive tool, or having aggressive fantasies about sexual activity.
Over time, anger and fear which result from a deep psychological complex with women can diminish, but in the short term the things most amenable to change are your excitement and arousal at the prospect of sex, and your unfamiliarity with the genitalia and body of a woman.
So to overcome your unfamiliarity with these things, I highly recommend that you turn to the Internet. For although porn has a bad name, it can be extremely useful in helping men to become familiar with sexual techniques, and then allowing them to overcome a degree of fear which actually can be incredibly unhelpful in sexual situations. Let me make this suggestion to you: that you seek some tasteful material showing people making love and you study it in detail.
In this way, you’ll be able to gain familiarity with sexual techniques that you yourself will be employing very soon, ensuring that the mere sight of a woman’s naked body doesn’t take you over the edge into ejaculation too soon. You will, in short learn to control your arousal.
Another idea: a program that I use to deal with premature ejaculation for some of the men that I counsel is called Ejaculation By Command by Lloyd Lester, and it’s a remarkable program in many ways.
Written by an expert sex educator with many years’ experience in the field of male sexuality, this program stands alone because not only does this program use techniques such as self hypnosis and neurolinguistic programming (NLP) but it also allows you to “reprogram” your mindset so that you believe you are sexually self-confident before you go anywhere near the bedroom.
In addition to that there are whole host of physical techniques which will allow you to extend the duration of intercourse to a remarkable degree. So, for example, besides the well-known use of pubococcygeal muscle control in extending the time before ejaculation, it turns out that you can actually use a breathing technique in conjunction with muscular contractions of the PC muscle to lower your arousal and increase the duration of time before you get to the point of no return, or ejaculatory inevitability as it is more popularly known.
This technique alone will allow you to extend intercourse by several minutes, and when combined with techniques such as vaginal acclimatization and sensory focus, you become much less sensitive to the stimulation that you get from being in bed naked with woman making love to her. This doesn’t mean say that you have any less enjoyable feelings, because you don’t! What it actually means is that you’re able to extend the duration of lovemaking. You can read much more about male control of ejaculation here.