How to make a woman orgasm
Are certain feelings during and after orgasm are related to the presence or absence of other feelings? For example, if a woman says that orgasm makes her feel “ecstatic” does it also make her feel “happy” and “satisfied” but not “tense” and “strange”? In actual fact, the only two consistent findings for the “ecstatic” feeling were that it is greatest in those women who rank themselves lowest with reference to being “tense” and feeling “strange” during orgasm. However, it should also be added that other aspects of the data indicate that the woman who is most likely to feel “ecstatic” during orgasm is also likely to have orgasms of high strength and to perceive herself as requiring a relatively brief period of time to bring a woman to orgasm.
When one looks at the feeling state correlates of “unsatisfied” during orgasm, one finds no consistencies. The woman who feels most satisfied during orgasm is not the one who feels most “ecstatic” or the most “as if I will burst” or the least “tense.” Incidentally, she is the one most likely to feel satisfied five minutes after orgasm, and it should be added that she also tends to have orgasms of high strength. That is, greater satisfaction does go along with a perception of the orgasm as being physiologically intense.
There were miscellaneous consistencies in relationships among the various other qualitative terms used to describe feeling states during and after orgasm, but they were scattered and not particularly meaningful. Fear of rejection is an aspect of women accepting sex when they feel social pressure to do so.
Strength of Orgasm and “Multiple” Orgasms As Predictors
Two aspects of a woman’s orgasm stand out as being especially predictive of other of its aspects. One is the degree of strength she ascribes to her average orgasm. The greater her rating of its strength the more consistently she achieves orgasm, the more overall sexually responsive she considers herself to be, the more she experiences orgasm as “ecstatic”, the more satisfied she is during orgasm, the more intense her vaginal pulsations during orgasm, and the longer the duration of orgasm.
A second noteworthy predictive aspect is the frequency with which more than one orgasm has been typically experienced within a one-hour period.
The greater a woman’s frequency in this respect the more sexually responsive she rates herself , the greater her enjoyment of masturbation, the greater the average strength of her orgasms, and the greater the average duration of her orgasms.
It is interesting that this variable did not prove to be correlated with consistency of orgasm. But note that it was positively correlated with enjoyment of masturbation, and, in fact, is the only sexual variable which correlates with any aspect of masturbatory behavior.
It is apparent that knowledge of the average strength of her orgasms and, to a lesser extent, of whether a woman achieves more than one orgasm in a relatively brief period with any frequency, or whether her partner knows about coming quickly or not, all provide a good basis for predicting a number of other primary aspects of her orgasm.
With these indices one can predict her orgasm consistency, her overall feeling about her sexual responsiveness, the likelihood that she will extract ecstatic enjoyment from orgasm and feel satisfied after its occurrence, the average duration of her orgasms, and the intensity of accompanying vaginal pulsations.
A form of sexual weakness which is very common is premature ejaculation. Some men find it impossible to complete intercourse because love-play, or the slightest contact with the genitalia of a woman, brings immediate orgasm. If this occurs only occasionally there is no need to be unduly alarmed. Most men have at some time experienced this. Such unwelcome emissions may occur when, prior to the opportunity for congress, the man has been deeply stirred emotionally, or as a result of a lengthy period of abstention from intercourse.
It is when they become frequent that one needs to try to discover which factors are responsible. In the overwhelming majority the cause is psychological. Secret doubts as to potency, deep-rooted in some men, is one cause. Or it may be that a man loves someone with whom union is impossible, and that, whenever he seeks congress with another, the unsatisfactory substitution yields an unconscious distaste which expresses itself in premature ejaculation. On deeper emotional levels an unresolved Oedipal situation or an over-loving and over-possessive mother may be the cause. How very true! That fits precisely with my experience as a therapist investigating male and female sexual dysfunction.
Over-attachment to the mother is often a cause of premature ejaculation. As for delayed ejaculation, well; now that presents a different dilemma. I suspect that an invasive mother may be the cause here, for many men with delayed ejaculation often hold deep anger against women causes by the lack of respect for a boy’s boundaries by his mother. You can investigate this further a website which speaks of the need for delayed ejaculation treatment.
Creative workers often suffer from this form of sexual weakness. Writers, artists, scientists, actors — all who throw themselves into their work and spend their powers in this way — frequently seem too exhausted for sexual intercourse, and may become impotent or suffer from sexual weakness. They are often extremely good lovers so far as love-play and, indeed, everything except actual coitus is concerned. There can be no doubt that creative work draws heavily upon the life force. Men engaged in it may be premature in ejaculation or even impotent during heavy spells of work, but when relaxed their powers usually return.
This is so well recognized that some writers refer to “literary man’s impotence”. But it is not found only in artists and scientists. Intense nervous strain, a prolonged period of anxiety, may have much the same effect on others.
Such weakness can have an unfortunate effect on marriage and render the successful consummation of sexual contact impossible. Many a wife who has been stimulated by love-play into a state of expectancy and desire is exasperated beyond endurance when her husband proves powerless to complete the act.
If this occurs again and again she may leave his roof, complaining bitterly that he is cruel to her. Yet the unhappy man’s failure may be caused by anxiety to give his wife pleasure. His very eagerness to do so may result in fear of possible failure — and that, as we have seen, may be a cause of premature ejaculation for many men.
One piece of advice offered to men who suffer in this manner is that, after insertion has been effected, they should strive to withhold the orgasm by diversion of attention. It is recommended that this be done by reciting the multiplication table and remaining quite still while the female conjoint is active in securing her own orgasm.
Needless to say, one should not perform this feat of memory aloud. The female sexual partner is unlikely to be capable of entering into the spirit of the exercise — if, indeed, the male is.
Another way for compensating for, if not overcoming premature ejaculation, a common difficulty, would be to indulge in after-play sufficient to effect orgasm, and so not leave one’s sexual partner sexually dissatisfied. In some cases, this in itself, by lessening anxiety, might help to overcome the premature ejaculation.
Frigidity in women is an all too frequent disorder. The term is often used to denote failure to achieve orgasm, but often such inability is present in women with strong sexual desire. They can hardly be regarded as ‘frigid’ when they are aflame with passion. Still they cannot achieve orgasm.
Intercourse Frequency Correlates
It should be more clearly spelled out how actual and preferred intercourse frequencies are related to the other sexual variables. One finds that sexual intercourse frequency is positively correlated with how sexually responsive a woman considers herself to be, positively correlated with her preferred intercourse frequency, and positively correlated with the average number of intercourse positions she and her husband use per month. Preferred intercourse frequency shows exactly the same correlational pattern.
What is striking about these findings is how limited are the relationships of the two frequency measures to any of the other sexual variables. Only a woman’s feelings about her overall degree of sexual responsiveness tell us whether she will participate in a low versus high amount of intercourse.
None of a multitude of other variables seems to have predictive value in this respect. One cannot anticipate a woman’s intercourse frequency in terms of whether she finds sexual intercourse painful or satisfying or productive of ecstatic sensations or leading to strong orgasms.
It is noteworthy that some of the sexual measures seem to be related to none, or at most to a few, of the other measures obtained. Amount of imagery – sexual fantasy – during intercourse correlates with none of the other sexual measures.
Amount of pain during intercourse correlates significantly with only one other measure (negatively with how sexually responsive a woman considers herself to be). The degree to which arousal during foreplay is focalized in one area versus another (for example, vagina versus clitoris) is unrelated to any of the other measures.
Number of minutes to attain orgasm after intercourse begins is unrelated to all other variables except one (the longer the time the lower the probability of feeling ecstatic during orgasm).