Orgasm & Ejaculation
An important distinction that confuses many men and their partners is that even though orgasm and ejaculation appear to be one and the same thing, these are, in fact, two different reactions.
The feeling of orgasm is a mental event, which takes place mostly in your mind, even if physical sensations are also experienced. Of course, we still don’t have any idea on where orgasmic pleasure is felt inside the brain, but there have been breakthroughs about the synaptic pathways through which the reflex response of ejaculation is induced.
Conversely, ejaculation is a reflex response that is triggered by repetitive pleasurable physical contact to the penis and sexually sensitive nerve endings elsewhere in the body.
For those who are interested, one suggestion is that when sexual arousal reaches a near-climactic point, the emission of semen close to the farthest point of the the urethra concentrates the pressure at the root of the penis, and this unleashes a a whole series of physical responses including flexing of the pubococcygeal muscle.
Ejaculation is governed by the involuntary nervous system, while sexual arousal is purely a function of the voluntary nervous mechanism.
Video: What Is Premature Ejaculation?
Delayed ejaculation has been known to the medical profession for years now, and the terminologies commonly used to identify this peculiar function probably represents in some part, the scientific community’s evolving attitude to the condition: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.
The evolving nomenclature is illustrative of, at least in my mind, a slowly increasing level of respect for the men whose sex lives are diminished by their inability to ejaculate in a timely way during sex.
The thing that’s particularly puzzling to researchers is that most of these men are able to ejaculate without any apparent difficulty when they are pleasuring themselves.
This fact has given rise to the belief that there may be many relationship issues associated with failure to achieve orgasm and ejaculate in the course of engaging in sex. However, one must be a little bit skeptical when seeking an explanation in the dynamics between a couple.
There’s strong reason to suggest that the failure to ejaculate even when a partner performs fellatio on him, during actual sex involving genital penetration, or through direct manual stimulation by a partner, could only mean that there’s nothing in these activities that can compare to the higher level of pleasure that a man may have learned to apply to his own penis in the act of masturbating and imagining the sexual act.
Certainly, any man can get physically accustomed to response to a specific intensity of stimulation, so it’s always wise to initially find out whether or not the delayed ejaculation issue simply lies in the fact that the man by himself, can perform harsh, rough, or high-frequency pressure during self stimulation, in a way that is not simulated during sexual intercourse with a partner.
If the problem is, in fact, caused by a simple incompatibility in techniques, the cure will be in the form of retraining the body, the sex organ and the mind, to acquiesce to much more gentle pleasuring of the kind that can result to an orgasm during sexual activity.
Needless to say, counsellors and sex therapists often take the view that the internal dynamics is the real cause of delayed ejaculation.
Quite frankly, there’s sufficient basis for this assumption. In my years of working as a counsellor, I’ve met sex partners who have become increasingly hostile to each other and have diminished intimacy to such a degree that the male no longer enjoys sex, and sees it as a burden, whilst simultaneously finding himself unable to communicate with his partner and begin a rational dialogue to find a mutually acceptable solution to these difficulties.
And even if there isn’t hostility, antagonism, or any other emotion on the part of the man towards the woman, there is, as some studies show, a specific kind of individual who is predisposed to delayed ejaculation.
Sidebar: Video – What Is Delayed Ejaculation?
As often mentioned in scientific literature, this individual profile is quite likely a person who is somehow detached from his personal process of sexual pleasure, who frequently is unaware of how aroused he is while doing sexual intercourse, who often considers sex with his partner as a duty that he needs to perform, who considers his partner’s gratification during the act as his own responsibility, and who believes that the woman’s pleasure must be considered first and is the the most important part of sex.
These men generally, whether intentionally or not, perceive themselves as the “workhorse of sex”, thrusting rhythmically (sometimes to no avail) to steer sex to a satisfying conclusion.
An important factor in this arrangement is that the majority of the partners of men with this condition tend to be somewhat passive when it comes to sex, and have an expectation that the male is somehow obligated to bring them sexual pleasure. In fact, they should be without a doubt responsible for their own orgasm.
In such cases, it’s clearly imperative to help and re-educate the sex partners and make available some actionable sexual information. Coached in such a way, the couple’s expectations and attitudes around sex and erotic pleasure are steered closer to reality.
Furthermore, it has been observed that males who have this type of personality profile generally lack solid grasp of their own gradations of arousal. Often there appears to be a degree of gap, or even a void, in their sexual maturity, in such a way that they have come to associate their internal mechanism of sexual arousal with the outside dynamics of having sexual activity with a partner.
To put these observations in a workable perspective, their own erotic world somehow doesn’t serve as a source of sexual stimulus and gratification: they are left in a sort of sexual uncertainty where they are trying to engage in sex minus all the basic emotional and physiological tools that are important for the sex act to be a pleasurable and mutually satisfying exercise.